Im not fine, at least not today

Just feeling a little "under the weather" spiritually.     Almost six years ago now I fell away from the Lord, and at the time  I knew it was going to happen, and I knew also that I would be at some appointed time in the future, would be back to serve God.   I was fed up with always doing the right thing, and everything always going the wrong way.   And so I blocked out God, and started following my own path, in my own rebellious way, I did things I ultimately shouldn't have done and I didn't care.   I needed a break, and I needed to find my way on my own with my children who have always been the biggest blessing in my life.  God knows what I did- And He also knows how I felt, how I feel now, and I believe He has forgiven me.   I believe that through the journey I have been on in the past five years, He has always been there for me.  I don't believe He once forgot about me.  He might have turned his face away from me, probably more than once, but He never left me, nor forsook me in all the time I wasn't doing what I was supposed to do.  

I committed adultery, lived with another man until I was divorced.     Yes, I committed the ultimate of sins, but I never stopped loving God, and I never fully walked away from Him either and denounced Him as the God who He is.    Was I right in what I did?  No.   But I felt it was needful to do for myself and my children.

Here I am all over now on a different path, in a different time, but still in this lifetime and still trying to do my best to do what God wants me to do.    But it's a daily struggle to just "do" the right things.    Im not so rebellious anymore.  I have reaped what I've sown and will probably continue to do so until the day I leave this earth.   But I know that I am forgiven and that I am saved no matter what others say, no matter what churches say.  I know my God has forgiven me.  



I guess my whole idea for feeling spiritually dry is that the world around us has changed.  More or less in the past year, than in the last five that I have been a rebellious child.   I wonder how I will fare in the future when the world will be in a Spiritual battle even more so.    The world is changing but people don't see it.   God is calling out to us all, but we're just going on in our busy, daily lives  ignoring the fact that religion isn't as tolerated as it once was, there are disasters happening all over the world, the middle east is a mess.   There's just too much crap going on, and no one is paying attention to it.   Except  me.  And Im sure I'm not the only one.   Anyone that has a spiritual pull is feeling the birthing pangs.  Every day is just a struggle to get through, because the world is getting more and more heavy a burden.  The taxes are rising, the food is going up, the gas is still high, the economy is still the same or worse as it was two years ago when it collapsed.  There are still billions of people without jobs standing out on the street corners begging for money.  The natural disasters are compiling at an alarming rate.   This is stated somewhere other than me just imagining it all.   In the book of Revelation.   The book describes all this and more, and puts an urgency in the heart of the elect to be ready.  Ready to go when Jesus comes again.


So what are we to do in this day and age?  We are to pray and set our hearts on the right track to follow instead of ignore the messages that are being displayed before us.

It hasn't quite been a week since I made the last post about being "tired" but it still is a true statement.   I have no idea of why I am, really.   I had some early days to work, and got plenty of sleep, but still am feeling exhausted as I sit here and ponder as to why I truly am.   And my body aches, which shouldn't be anything new, but I am really wiped out.  Maybe I should just get some more sleep before picking up Marc tonight from work.

Really tired and worn out and in need of refreshment.

I am so worn out right now.  It has been very warm (hot) the past couple of days, and all it takes is a bit of that anymore to totally make me want to fall over by the time the sun goes down.    I did a lot of cleaning today, something I don't usually do a lot of, because I am so wiped out from working, and getting home late for nights on end, that I just am plain lazy.   Which I know is horrible, but I lack pep and motivation to do anything that requires me to run around without stopping.   After getting the morning shopping and errand running done, we got home around 11:00 and I just plopped down for a few minutes.    But then got tired just sitting here computing, and decided I didn't want to let the whole entire day go by (again) without getting anything done.   So I took the clothes out of the washer and hung them to dry, I did a small load of dishes, filled the sink with cleaner and actually got around to washing both my kitchen floor and bathroom also, washed down cabinets, counters and refrigerator of dirty fingerprints, re-organized some of the stuff on my kitchen counter.  After picking up the kids from school I laid down for a half hour, ready Streams in the Desert, and lap-topped for a bit.  Then got up went outside, and helped Keil put her Clam diorama together.  Came back into the house, sat down and helped her some more by collecting more information about the most boring of ocean life around, Clams. So that we can put together a poster for her.   Then I made dinner, which ain't was horrible, but it wasn't my fault that the ground chicken is just ground up breast this time, and it sucked, it was so dried out.  Thank goodness its not the only source of food in my kitchen.  Still managed to get the Clam stuff rewritten and done, printed out with the pictures I found, and now I am sitting here telling my husband that the poster can wait until tomorrow morning, when I am refreshed, because it happening tonight.